What did you inherit?

What did you inherit?   I'm not really talking about money although I suppose if your trust fund allows you to do whatever you want, that's OK too.

Maybe you inherited a medical condition.   Your heritage is important in that if you don't know your family's medical history (maybe you were adopted), you could be at a medical disadvantage.

Diabetes, Cystic Fibrosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Hemophilia, Neurofibromatosis, certain types of cancer.  That's why it's important to know our medical heritage.  Heart disease has genetic tendencies as do many other conditions.

Let's look at colon cancer, for example.   If there is colon cancer in your family, you are more likely to get it than someone that does not.  That makes it more important for you to have regular screenings and colonoscopies.   I'm really looking more at what lessons did you inherit?  What legacy of character did your parents give you.

Maybe your inheritance was lessons learned.  The lesson I remember most profoundly from my dad was to "always do a job right the first time." 

When I was about 10, I decided to build a tree house.  Well...it wasn't really a tree house, sort of a very small, one-room cabin up on stilts.   I had salvaged building materials from lots of different places, including some tongue-in-groove flooring from the neighbors when they replaced their porch.

At this time in my life, my dad was totally disabled.  He had lived through a series of heart attacks and back then (early 60's), you retired from work and basically did nothing.

We dried our washed clothes on a clothesline outside but one of the forbidden activities for those having had a heart attack was that you couldn't reach or lift over your head.  He tried a lot of different hobbies but washing dishes was about as vigorous as he could get. 

When I started my tree house, my dad sat in a lawn chair and coached me through the construction.   If I were to bend a nail and then keep hammering, he would calmly make me pull the nail, straighten it out, then start all over again.  "Always do it right the first time."  Oh yeah, we straightened bent nails.

What else?  "Don't date anybody you wouldn't marry."  And  "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (but I never did like that turn the other cheek thing).

"A job worth doing is worth doing well."  Maybe because I may not have been the most athletically gifted that  "hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard enough" (definitely a bunch of sports analogies in those two).

 
Maybe most of all, my parents taught me that there was a great, wide world out there and that the key to happiness is to find a job that when you wake up in the morning you look forward to getting to work and to find someone to share it with you.

I inherited a love for the outdoors, of lakes and mountains, and that it was important to take care of those that might not be able to take care of themselves.

Pretty good inheritance in my book.

Don't take anything for granted

I got word just the other day of the death of my childhood friend, Daniel "Killdee" Johnson. 

Daniel's best friend was actually Jimmy Greenway, but they often let me hang around on one of their many adventures.  I have great memories of mud football on the banks of the Tennessee River, possum hunting, and Red Man around a campfire.

Daniel's mom died when we were in the 7th grade and his dad was what we called a "tenant farmer," which mostly meant that he lived and worked on another family's farm.  

Daniel could jump out of the gym, being the first person in our class to dunk (in junior high) but wasn't the basketball star in high school we all thought he could be.  After graduation, he joined the Air Force and spent most of his adult years in North Dakota.   I never saw him again.

I'm getting old enough now that I'm afraid that this is going to happen more and more.   I don't want to get all maudlin but it does make you think about things.  

Like, never miss an opportunity to tell people what they mean to you.  You'll want that moment when it is past.

I know I wish for one more moment with my dad.  I'd ask him "how'd I do, Pops?"  I'd want to talk to him for hours.  "How did I do raising my own kids?"   Maybe "did I make you proud of the man I've become?"

I don't think my dad missed too many opportunities to let me know that he was proud of me, that he loved me. 

I can remember one time in particular when I was getting an award in college.  It really didn't mean much to me but after getting the award, as I was walking back to my seat, I found my dad crying.  Tears were rolling down his cheeks.  This was from a man that didn't return for the 7th grade and instead went to work in the textile mill to support his father-less family.

That award got a whole lot more important to me at that point.  I've never taken anything like that for granted since.

I've heard more than one coach tell their team not to take their season for granted.  At the beginning, it might seem like the season will never end but before you can blink, you're playing your last game.

And the relationships that you make through the shared experiences of being part of a team will remain fond memories throughout your lifetime.

I remember things that happened in football practice that happened 43 years ago.  I remember Dickie Blankenship hitting me when I was a sophomore and trying to decide if the big guys hit like this little guy, maybe this wasn't my sport after all.

I can remember successfully blocking Mike Bivens in practice one day.  "Big Mike" was, by far, our best lineman.  I was pretty sure on that day that football was my sport after all.

I can remember tackling MHS fullback Hal Ferst in a mid-season game.  Playing linebacker, I stepped up into the hole and took him on with my right shoulder, moving my feet like I had been coached.  15 yards downfield, I made the tackle and then got up and looked for my right arm, which I was pretty sure Hal Ferst had taken off at the shoulder.

Shared hardships.  Winning and losing together. Teammates.  Friends.  Memories to last a lifetime.

Joe's Rules

There are a few things that you can pretty much always count on.   Sort of "rules" of the universe.   In my little world, things are simpler.   So I came up with a list of Joe's Rules.

There's no such thing as the "right way" to do everything.   Some things just defy one solution.  And stay away from the person that thinks that they've found the one "true" way.   Instead, embrace the person who is asking all the questions, who is seeking the truth.

 It's hard to mess up bacon.  And shrimp.  I suppose that it's possible but I've really tried and I sure haven't found it. 

Sand.  Ocean.  Sun.  It's really hard to beat that combination.  

There IS such a thing as a dumb question.  Trust me.  I've asked plenty of them.  

There is no wrong time to do the right thing.  OK, so maybe this is a bit of a cliché.  I'll  try to do better. 

Everybody doing it doesn't make it OK for you to do.   I can remember my dad telling me that.  He would usually add that "if everyone was jumping off a cliff, would you jump off too?" Well...maybe.  He probably wouldn't have understood climbing that cliff with a rope and a harness.  Or diving with sharks.   I've done those.

Different can be OK.  A lot times it is the one that takes the different path that figures out a better way, invents things, or makes beautiful music.

Your kids will not suffer from being told "no."  Although I think it was made for grandparents, I would recommend that all young parents go see the movie Parental Guidance.  I am from a generation who was often told "no" and sometimes that was followed by a "because I said so."

We didn't suffer from it and it didn't scar us.   I didn't have self-esteem issues from being told I was wrong--I had self-esteem issues because I had bad hair, very little fashion sense, and liked all the girls that didn't like me. 

Do you think that video game is too violent?  Then why did you buy it?  We couldn't let my son watch "professional" wrestling on TV.  Every time we did, we got broken furniture.   Were his emotional needs neglected from depriving him of that?  Oh, heck no.

My kids didn't get denied much but they did get denied the privilege of watching gratuitous violence. 

Marry your best friend.  I can remember too many girls that just wanted "to be friends."  That's OK.  Be friends with all of them and then pick your mate from among 'em.  When the kids are grown, it sure is nice to be able to hang out all the time with your best friend.  Trust me on that one.

Out-work everybody.  Especially in sports.  You think MHS and AHS have successful football programs because of luck?  No, they outwork most everybody on their schedule.

That doesn't mean that other schools don't work hard.   I guarantee you that Tim Hammontree's Heritage squad will work as hard as anybody out there.   But you've got to have the attitude that on any given day, nobody is going to work harder than you.

Wanna be the "go-to" person on the court or field?  Want to be that person that everyone at work relies on?   Work harder.  Sure, work smarter when you can.  But always, always, always work harder.

Don't accept things because "that's the way it has always been done.”  There is usually a better way.  

Aim high.  Strive for perfection.  You might not quite make it but nobody strives for "average."

"Non-Advice" Advice

It's a new year.  2013.  I suppose a lot of you do "New Year's Resolutions."  I don't.  It's OK if you do the resolution thing once a year but only if you follow through on it.

Oh, I suppose I made a resolution last year but it had nothing to do with the New Year.  I resolved to eat more Benton's Bacon and I've kept that promise. Two pieces of Alan Benton's finest can be found on my plate every Sunday morning.

I do sit back and reflect on things this time of year.  I want to make sure that I am always the kind of man that those around me need for me to be.  I want to make sure I am fulfilling my responsibilities to others.   I want to always be on a path to make a difference in the world around me.

I'm far from perfect.  I have my prejudices (not the typical ones) and I do know that I take things too seriously most of the time.  I have really tried to laugh more.  I'm not real patient and I tend to be too one-way about too many things.

I resolved long ago not to give unsolicited advice but I suppose that this column violates the very being of that resolution.  Not everybody wants or needs  advice, and I have to work hard to remember that.  I guess , though, that when you get to a certain age, people presume that you have a certain level of wisdom and will turn to you. 

Anyway, I do find myself being asked for advice on a regular basis.  The first person to ask me about marital advice was probably Jeff Fuchs, back when I probably didn't have much to offer him.  My advice?  It's never 50-50.   I've repeated that one many times in the years since and it is still very true.   

I remember the advice that I got that a couple should never go to bed angry.  I suppose my wife of 36 years and I tried to do that at one time in our marriage but it resulted in too many really late nights and then one of us saying "fine" (and you know the kind of "fine" I mean) and heading off to bed without anything being resolved.

High school athletes  ask for my advice on a regular basis.  Some of it is personal, things that they can't or won't ask their parents.  I approach those questions cautiously and with the gravity they deserve.

It makes sense that most of the time they want to know about their injury.   After all, that's my job.  Here lately, I've had a couple of football players want to know what I think about college football.  I suppose part of that is experience that they expect I've had with my son, who played a little college football along the way.

Most recently, it was "should I take that scholarship offer (to a smaller school) or take that preferred walk-on offer (at a bigger school)."   I know that there are a lot of successful walk-on stories but please understand that those stories are rare.

My advice is almost always to go to the school that wants you bad enough to offer you a scholarship.   If the big school really thought that you could play for them, they would pay for it.  Too many people, particularly in this part of the country, believe that if you don't play for an SEC school, that it really isn't college football.  That's a mistake.

There's a heck of a lot of great football out there  that is not played in front of thousands of people.   Great traditions and great programs can be found everywhere.   You don't think that Maryville College plays "real" college football?  Go see them play sometime.   It will change your mind.

Keep in mind, college sports are going to be more of a job than high school sports, where you're coached by folks that probably have known you since you were little and who are probably more interested in making sure that you grow up into a responsible adult than winning any given game.

But at the end of the day, it is definitely worth it.   Stick it out past your freshman year (when you WILL want to come home or quit or both) and you will learn skills, develop friendships, and grow as a person more than you ever would have without sports.