Being Southern

I had the good fortune to recently spend some time with my good friend Turner (better known as Tab) and his girlfriend Jane. Tab has lived all over, has literally travelled the world, and was more recently misplaced (in more ways than one) by Hurricane Katrina.  He ended up in western Georgia, where he found Jane.

Turner looks like Tom Brokaw but has the self-deprecating manner known well in the south.  He also happens to be one of the world's most widely known and respected physical therapists. 

But let me tell you about Jane.   This lovely lady is southern to the core.   She draws out her vowels like every true southerner and turns monosyllable words into something wonderful and melodious. 

During that same trip, my buddy Danny and I were in a restaurant where he was trying to explain "duck on a June Bug" to a Chicago realtor.  That might have taken all night if they hadn't come to tell us that our table was ready.

So all this got me to thinkin' about what it means to be Southern.  You have probably heard these somewhere before but I bet I'll get an "ain't that right" or two out of you on some of them.

True southerners know that the plural for "ya'll" is "all ya'll."  Where we like our tea sweet and don't take offense when somebody calls us darlin' or honey. Where people still say "please" and "thank you" and "yes ma'am" and "no sir" and where we always ask how your folks are doin'.

In the south, if a woman puts her hand on one hip and says "oh heck no," then you better go hide somewhere.  Where we might not have 'em much anymore but we know what front porches and clotheslines are. 

Living in the south means there's probably a pickup truck in your driveway.  Where some of us can hardly wait for a good snow so we can get out in our four-wheel drive vehicle and either try and get stuck or help somebody who just got stuck, although there are some of us who won't venture out on the road at all for fear of the dreaded "black ice."  That latter group will also buy everything in the grocery store at the mere threat of snow.

Southerners know that hushpuppies and catfish (always fried) naturally go together.  Where what folks elsewhere call soda or pop, we call coke.  Around here we love Richy Kreme but in the rest of the south, Krispy Kreme is one of the five basic food groups. 

Where we can taste the difference between home-grown and store-bought tomatoes.  We buy "sweet milk" and "light bread" (and if you don't know those, ask a Southerner) and know the units of measure known as "just a dab" and "a mess."

In the south we know where both grits and hominy come from and that you never fry red tomatoes but that green tomatoes were made for frying.

Where we might say you live "out in the country" or "on down the road a bit" and know what it means when the directions include "a right far piece."

Where we know that "fixin" can be a verb, noun, or adverb and that if somebody tells you that they're fixin to pitch a "hissie fit", you know to leave the room.

Southerners might speak slow and seem to "cogitate" on things too long but if you take our intelligence, our drive, or our ambition for granted, you're gonna end up on the bottom of the heap.

Bless your heart, Jane.  I'm glad to make your acquaintance.  Happy birthday, Turner.  You found a keeper!