"Successful" Adults

Some saw last week's column as a chastisement of overbearing parents.  Others saw it as simply the glories of being a grandparent.

I guess it's a good thing that people see things differently.  I can tell you that column started with the simple concept that all children deserve to feel like they are special.  

And they do.   The worst player on the team deserves to feel special.  The kid from a dysfunctional family needs the time when they feel special.

Sports are where a lot of them get that.  And it's not about winning games.  It's bigger than that. 

One thing I don't care for is giving everyone a trophy--I think that is a mistake.  But I am most definitely in favor of every kid out there having someone to cheer them on--supporting them, encouraging them, and loving them. 

This week a fellow that I remember as an excellent baseball player but who may not have been the best student asked me what I thought was the secret to raising kids.  He had read that column too.

Without personalizing this one (which I am too prone to do), let me just simply give you my opinion, which was the answer I gave this guy.

Before I do that, let me qualify all this by saying that there is definitely more than one way to "raise" kids.   There are many different and good parenting styles.  

I've seen kids that grow up with parents that have unreal expectations end up taking a different path than that which their parents outlined for them but ended up as very successful adults.

And when I speak of "successful adults," I'm talking about well-rounded, happy, adults that contribute responsibly to society, culture, and the environment.  That are good neighbors and, when blessed, good parents. 

Not rich.  Not even admired, for admiration sometimes betrays the true self.

I've said many times that I don't see many bad kids but I've seen lots of bad parents The result of that too often is that the kids don't have a chance. 

I've also seen bad parents produce good kids.   You might ask yourself what qualifies me to make that judgments.   I've been around kids and sports for most of my 60 years.  It's part of my job.  And I've seen enough bad parents to know one when I see one.

Like the dad that really precipitated the last column.  As his daughter dribbled the soccer down the field, he ran along the sidelines exhorting her to "run faster, run faster." But when she narrowly missed the goal with her kick (it was a really great kick, by the way) you would have thought she had missed the kick that would have won the World's Cup for her team.   His pain/disgust was way more than noticeable.

So, what does it take to be the Good Parent?

You've got to be there for them.  Win or lose.   When they do good or when they do poorly.  You don't make excuses but you do keep it in perspective.

Read to them when they can't and then listen to them, not just when they read.  Do stuff with them.  Give them opportunities.  Give them guidelines and a foundation of trust and goodness. 

Shape them only as God might fluff clouds.