Parenting Success 101

I am a keeper of lists.  Grocery lists.  Lists of chores that need to be done. 

Lists of things that I need to do around work.  A revolving list of people that I need to reach out to.  

Things that I need to do on a personal level like say thank you more and think of things from the other person's perspective more.

I've got several lists that I've gotten from others about being a successful parent.  No, I don't have small children but being a good parent doesn't stop just because your kids are adults.  The game is just a little different.

One list that I saw recently that I liked enough that I copied it down was one titled "Parents of 

Successful Kids Do These Things."   I've changed the list around a bit and tweaked it a bit to maybe make it more appropriate for my inclinations.

So here goes.  Successful parents:

Make their kids do chores.  What?  Really?  Oh yeah.  Specific tasks that belong to them.  And most assuredly don't "pay" them for doing those chores.  You give them an allowance? That's OK, but their chores are the price they pay to live under your roof.

For my kids, a lot of it was farm chores.  I don't think they ever thought there was anything positive that could ever come from mucking out stalls in the barn but I'm betting that it taught them the value of work (and it allowed them to own horses).

Teach their kids social skills.  Positive, affirmative social skills.  You make sure they offer a firm handshake.  And make eye contact.  You don't let them retreat into their own world when in the presence of others.  You teach them to build others up, not tear them down.

Have high expectations.  Shoot for the stars.  Aim low and you'll get it.  Aim high and even if you miss, think of all that you will have accomplished.

Have healthy relationships with each other.  Make time for each other.   Your kids won't die (or even suffer) from spending an evening with a babysitter.  Respect each other.  Show affection for each other in their presence.

Teach their kids math early on.  And good grammar.  Nothing in life will hold them back as much as not being able to communicate effectively. Or the ability to balance their own checkbook.

Do things with their kids.  Even before they would seem to be old enough.  

I can remember that we used to take our small children to really nice restaurants.  Sometimes they misbehaved.  Oftentimes they spilled something.  But what they learned was how to behave.

Value effort over avoiding failure.  Reward effort.  Losing a game is not failure.  Failing to be in the arena is failure.  Failing to put forth the effort is failure.

I still don't believe we should reward simple participation.  Life keeps score.  We should too.  But games are games.  They're not life itself but life lessons.