Anniversary Advice

I haven't talked about it here yet but my wife and I recently celebrated 40 years of marriage.  That was one reason for our trip out west that included Glacier, Yellowstone, and the Grand Tetons.

Forty years.  It hardly seems possible.  We were just kids back then.  And it hardly seems like I should be 40 years old, much having been married to the same person for 40 years. 

All this came up in a conversation about football coaches' wives last week.  A common refrain is that "I'll see you when the season is over."  Around here, that could be December.

Being the spouse of a coach is a tough, thankless job.  A good coach devotes a huge amount of time to their team and has so much focus that they often overlook a lot of other things (like responsibilities at home and family and birthdays and appointments...you get the picture).

But back to that in a minute.

On our way back from that anniversary trip out west, we stopped in a shop in the Atlanta airport during a layover.  The chatty clerk asked us where we had been and then asked us what the purpose of our trip was.

When we told her why we were traveling she asked eagerly what the secret was to staying married for that long.

My wife and I hesitated for only a moment.  The wife went first. 

"Commitment. When we said 'till death do us part,' we meant it."  When the preacher said in good times and bad (sort of), he meant it. 

Before he got married, I told Jeff Fuchs, Pastor at Blount Community Church, it's never 50/50.  I'm pretty sure he remembers that conversation.  And it's not.  You may think it is 90/10 with you on the short side all the time.  It really isn't.

But you want to know what the score really is?  It's if you really, really are committed to that relationship and nurturing it and sustaining it.

What did I say?  "Tolerance."  And I was quick to point out that it was tolerance on the part of my wife. 

We got married while I was still in school.  That was a trial and a tribulation all to itself.  That it was in downtown Memphis made it that much harder.

Then you throw in jobs and kids and starting a practice and all that and...well...I'm not the easiest person to get along with.  My wife took a back seat for a long time to all that. 

I do a lot of things, wear a lot of hats.  I'm gone a lot.  And now that it's football season, I'm gone pretty much all the time.

Yeah...tolerance.  She tolerates my quirks.  She tolerates my obsession with staying fit and healthy.  And she tolerates football season.  Has done so now for 35 football seasons.

So when you happen to find yourself in the presence of the spouse of the spouse of any coach, any sport, tell them thank you.

Thank you for allowing your spouse to be a positive influence on our young folks.  Thank you for giving up your spouse so they can help kids grow up better.  Thank you for your commitment to them.  And thank you for your tolerance