Parents as the Support System

I can be pretty critical of parents of athletes. I’ve seen the worst. I’ve seen kids quit sports they love because of their parents. These days, I’m witness to a whole new set of parents—tennis parents. That’s another story.

But I know that there are far more good parents than bad. I don’t talk about them enough. Parents that run a taxi service to get their kids to whatever practice or game they might have, then sit quietly, patiently.

Taking them places. Buying the equipment that they need. Cheering them on when they do well. Consoling them when they fail. Good parents are a support system to their kids.

You need to be there for everything--their concerts, their games, their recitals. What you don’t need to do is to coach them from the sidelines. Chances are, they’ve got a coach. 

That’s something that really bugs me. At times, it seems as though there are two kinds of parents: Those that coach from the sidelines and those that officiate from the sidelines.

I’ve talked about this before—officials make mistakes, all of them will admit that, but none go in with a bias against one team or another. They aren’t trying to help one team win or one team to lose. They may even be terrible at it, they may be inconsistent, but they aren’t favoring one team or another.

You’ve got to believe me on that one. I’ve seen more games and events in my career than just about anybody. The late great Galen Johnson and I used to compare notes about who might have seen more games.

Good parents are helping their kids with their homework, making sure they eat healthy food (plenty of vegetables and fruits), and get enough sleep. Support system.

Good parents pick their kids up when they fall and help them understand that winning a championship can never be the best thing they ever do. Support System.

That’s something that I’ve heard now departed coaches George Quarles and Gary Rankin say many, many times. With tons of championships between them, they’ve been there and done that. Got the t-shirt. But they never failed to tell their young charges to take those lessons, take what got them there, and turn them into a life.

It’s OK for your kids to celebrate winning a game. It feels great. It’s OK for you to celebrate with them.  But celebrate the effort too. Celebrate improvement. Even celebrate the participation.

I’ve got one grandchild who one day will figure out all this sports stuff. I think he’ll be good one day. But what’s most important right now is that he gets out there and moves. He participates. He pays attention. He’s part of a team. He celebrates the success of a teammate.

He probably won’t be a professional athlete (very, very few reach that point) but he will most definitely be a successful adult. A good man. That’s what he’s learning right now. That his team wins a game is important—it gives structure and meaning to the games. But right now, at this point in his life, all those other things are far more important.

Parents everywhere need to understand that. Somebody tells you that your 12 year old child is going to be a superstar one day? Hogwash! My volleyball playing daughter never touched a volleyball until she was 15 and she was good. Her sport sort of found her.

Remember too that we never stop being a support system to our children. My kids are 41 and 43 and I like to think that we’re still their support system. Not just a taxi service for my kids but there for whatever they might need.

Right now, my son Nick is running for Chancellor. The hard part is the job covers 5 counties, so his campaign goes from Grainger to Jefferson to Cocke and Sevier Counties. Plus Blount County. It’s daunting.

I’ve put a lot of things on hold to help him with his campaign. I’m not biking much, not hiking, not farming. I work and then help him. Because I’m his support system.

Because that’s what good parents do. And that’s what I aspire to be.