Helicopter Moms

 

I found myself derisively using the term “Helicopter Mom” recently. Let me explain.

Every week day at 7 AM, we open the doors to Total Rehab-Cherokee to local high school and middle school athletes. We bring all of our Athletic Trainers in to evaluate those kids with injuries.

It’s a great system, allowing our Athletic Trainers to intervene in injuries in their earliest stages, before they can escalate to something more severe. And if there is a problem that is already more serious, we’ve got a great system for that as well.

The orthopedic surgeons at OrthoTennessee-Maryville come in early and will see any athletes that we bring them at the front end of their schedule. And sports physician Dr. Ben England always saves his first spot for someone from our 7 AM Athletes Clinic.

It works well.  We’ve been doing it that way for over 25 years.

On the day I’m talking about, I saw it coming. Mom walked boldly into the clinic, followed by her in-need-of-a-haircut son. She was a bit demanding at the front desk and then takes the simple form that we have them fill out while complaining about the paperwork.

She fills out the form (a pet peeve of mine-a high school kid can tell us what their address and phone number is) and then, when I sit down with her son, she promptly answers the questions that I specifically addressed to him.

She even interrupted when he tried to speak. I tried not to be rude but finally asked her to wait in the reception area. Too crowded, you know. The kid was actually pretty bright—and once Mom was gone, was quite good at describing what brought him to the clinic that day.

It’s not just Moms.  It can be Dads too. So, what is it with Helicopter Parents?  What are they trying to do?

I do get it. Sort of. Maybe they have had bad experiences and want to protect their child from the misery that can be found just around the corner. Maybe they’re afraid that their child is growing up and is going to leave them behind (it will happen—it’s called life).

There is nothing wrong with parental involvement. Involved relationships with your children are healthy. I’ve said many times that if you are engaged with your children when they’re growing up, they have a better chance of becoming healthy, well-adjusted adults.

I believe that Helicopter Parents (it’s not just Moms) have good intentions. Maybe it is all about giving your kids opportunities that you wish you had. Maybe the child has some problems that we don’t know about.

On the good side, children of Helicopter Parents are more likely to feel the love, the protection, the security, and the acceptance.

But on the negative side, children of Helicopter Parents may be more likely to lack self-confidence and self-esteem. They may be more likely to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and lack the ability to make independent decisions. 

What’s a parent to do? Protect your child, by all means, but don’t do everything for them. Allow your child to make a mistake once in a while. Mistakes can be important lessons and can lead to crucial life skills that they can’t learn if they are sheltered from the situations they need to grow.

Give your child space and the latitude to make their own decisions. You can guide that decision-making but give them some latitude. Instead of handling their problems for them, give them the tools to handle their own problems.

And when they come in to the clinic, let them fill out their own form.