Parenting Success 101

I am a keeper of lists.  Grocery lists.  Lists of chores that need to be done. 

Lists of things that I need to do around work.  A revolving list of people that I need to reach out to.  

Things that I need to do on a personal level like say thank you more and think of things from the other person's perspective more.

I've got several lists that I've gotten from others about being a successful parent.  No, I don't have small children but being a good parent doesn't stop just because your kids are adults.  The game is just a little different.

One list that I saw recently that I liked enough that I copied it down was one titled "Parents of 

Successful Kids Do These Things."   I've changed the list around a bit and tweaked it a bit to maybe make it more appropriate for my inclinations.

So here goes.  Successful parents:

Make their kids do chores.  What?  Really?  Oh yeah.  Specific tasks that belong to them.  And most assuredly don't "pay" them for doing those chores.  You give them an allowance? That's OK, but their chores are the price they pay to live under your roof.

For my kids, a lot of it was farm chores.  I don't think they ever thought there was anything positive that could ever come from mucking out stalls in the barn but I'm betting that it taught them the value of work (and it allowed them to own horses).

Teach their kids social skills.  Positive, affirmative social skills.  You make sure they offer a firm handshake.  And make eye contact.  You don't let them retreat into their own world when in the presence of others.  You teach them to build others up, not tear them down.

Have high expectations.  Shoot for the stars.  Aim low and you'll get it.  Aim high and even if you miss, think of all that you will have accomplished.

Have healthy relationships with each other.  Make time for each other.   Your kids won't die (or even suffer) from spending an evening with a babysitter.  Respect each other.  Show affection for each other in their presence.

Teach their kids math early on.  And good grammar.  Nothing in life will hold them back as much as not being able to communicate effectively. Or the ability to balance their own checkbook.

Do things with their kids.  Even before they would seem to be old enough.  

I can remember that we used to take our small children to really nice restaurants.  Sometimes they misbehaved.  Oftentimes they spilled something.  But what they learned was how to behave.

Value effort over avoiding failure.  Reward effort.  Losing a game is not failure.  Failing to be in the arena is failure.  Failing to put forth the effort is failure.

I still don't believe we should reward simple participation.  Life keeps score.  We should too.  But games are games.  They're not life itself but life lessons.

Exercise as Lifestyle?

This is the month of resolutions.  This is the month where the gym is full.  Next month?  Eh...not so much.

I've said it here before.  Many times.  To truly be successful, you have to make exercise a part of your lifestyle.  But what does that mean, really?

It means that you do it every day.  Seven days a week.  Something.  Anything.

Walk.  Jog. Swim.   Go to the gym.  Ride your bike.  Paddle your boat.  Do that exercise video thingie.

It means that you do it regardless of circumstances. 

You exercise even when you feel bad.  You exercise after you stayed up too late. You exercise when it is inconvenient.  You exercise when you're just not in the mood.  You exercise (maybe especially) when you're having a bad day.

You don't exercise just to have a second piece of pie.  You don't reward yourself by indulging in junk food just because you worked extra hard at the gym today.   You really should disconnect eating and exercising anyway. 

Eating is a separate issue.  Nobody enjoys good food any more than I do and yes, I do indulge in some things that I shouldn't from time to time but most of the time food is simply fuel.  Fuel to get through the day.  Fuel to get me around on the bicycle.

Good fuel.  Tasty fuel. You don't have to eat cardboard to eat healthy.

For sure, you never count the calories burned in a workout and then try and match that with calories consumed at the dinner table. 

If you're going to do anything about your diet, cut back on your carbs.  America consumes way too many carbs.  I know I did...until October of 2014 when some vascular testing prompted me to finally cut way back on the carbs.  If it has white (refined) flour or white (refined) sugar in it, I generally run and hide.

I don't have much trouble following that one and fully expect to eat that way the rest of my life.  Following a low carbohydrate diet has become part of my lifestyle. 

So let's look at that term "lifestyle" a little more.  Webster (for the old folks) defines lifestyle as "the typical way of life of an individual, group, or culture."

Wikipedia (for the young folks) defines it as "the interests, opinions, behaviors, and behavioral orientations of an individual, group, or culture."  OK.  About the same thing.

I would think that lifestyle is what you do consistently.  Things that you do that are part of your daily routine, like brushing your teeth, going to work, bathing. 

If it is part of your lifestyle, then you do it without pain or regret.  It means that you don't really think about it, you just do it.  It really isn't something that you make a conscious decision to do or not do--it's just part of your day.  Part of what you do.  Part of who you are.

If you want to live longer and live healthier, you will make exercise part of your lifestyle.  And that is no resolution.

The Farmer's Parable

Do you remember the parable about the farmer and the travelers?  It goes something like this. 

A traveler was walking down the lane and came upon a farmer working in his garden.  "What sort of people live in the next town" asked the traveler.

"What were the people like where you've come from" answered the farmer.

"They were a bad lot.  Troublemakers all, and lazy too.  The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted.  I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."

To which the farmer answered "well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town."

Not long after, another traveler passed by this same farmer and asked the same question.  "What sort of people live in the next town?"

Once again, the farmer asked "what were the people like where you've come from?"

The traveler answered "they were the best people in the world, hard working, honest, and friendly.  I'm sorry to have to leave them."

"You'll find the same sort in the next town" answered the farmer.  Of course the farmer was talking about the same destination.

I could drop into a whole long list of cliché's here, but I won't.  I'm just going to talk about a couple of athletes that I've encountered.

One of them always complained about his teammates.  He wondered out loud if he was going to have to win this game by himself.  Even went on social media after a close loss complaining that he was the only one who really gave full effort in that game. 

He "led" by yelling at others.  Not really encouragement but I guess not all negative either.  And woe be to the player that made a mistake.  He was in their face, ranting loudly.   Of course, he never made a mistake.

This other player walked onto the field and seemed genuinely surprised at his good fortune.  A starter but maybe not a star, he thought he must be truly lucky to have earned that coveted starting position.

Despite that, he remained the hardest worker on the team, coming early, staying late, and always giving all he had.  When a teammate made a big play, no one on the field was more excited than this kid. 

He thought his teammates were the greatest people in the world.  When he was injured for a brief time, he was his replacement's biggest supporter. 

Now which of these kids do you think is going to be the best leader?  Which one do you think will be most successful in life?

What were the people like where you came from?

Concussion, The Movie

I saw the movie "Concussion" last week. I wasn't real sure I wanted to see it.  My wife and I headed to the theater without having made the choice between two movies that happened to be showing at the same time. 

It was only as I stepped up to buy the tickets that I realized why I had been reluctant to see "Concussion."

If you don't know the story behind the movie, it's about Dr. Bennett Omalu, a forensic pathologist in Pittsburgh who had discovered that concussions in the NFL were causing huge, long-term mental problems for former players.

It all started with the Steelers' legendary center Mike Webster, who was found in his truck, dead at 50 from what Dr. Omalu discovered was cognitive dysfunction likely due to concussions suffered during his NFL career.

Dr. Omalu called this disorder Chronic Traumatic Encephalopthy.  To say that the NFL was not real thrilled with these findings is putting it mildly.  And there is the rest of the story (which I'll leave for the movie).

I know all about concussions.  I deal with them routinely.   It's part of my job.

What I feared about this movie was that it would just be a big attack on the game that I love.  The game that I played, that changed my life (for the better) forever.  The game that my son played.  The game that is a big part of my life and which has been so very good to me.

What I also feared about this movie was that it would be medically incorrect.  My wife will tell you--I refuse to watch any kind of medical show on television.  The liberties that those shows take with facts just blows my mind. 

So I'll cut to the chase.  I had nothing to fear.  "Concussion" addressed a very real problem in sports, that being concussions.  But we've known this for a while.  It's why we take them so seriously.  More on that in a minute.

"Concussion" was amazingly accurate from a medical standpoint. 

I know Dr. Omalu's work and his story.  I know the research.  I LIVE the research.  This movie was true to the research and true to Dr. Omalu's story. 

Football can be a graceful, amazing sport that can provide incredible life lessons.  It can be life changing in many good and positive ways.    But we know that concussions are a problem and cannot be taken lightly.  The long term effects demand our full attention.

And we know that concussions are a problem in lots of sports, not just football.  It's why we focus so much attention on concussion recognition, treatment, and very careful return to sports participation. 

All of our schools have athletic trainers whose job is to know how to deal with concussions and coaches who understand what needs to be done.  We are blessed around here.  Not every place is so lucky.

For all those that still think that you just need to get tough and play through getting "your bell rung," this one's for you.

Go see the movie.  It's a good one.  

Life's Moments

Everybody reflects on the year at year's end (or maybe should).  I know I do.

I've figured out that life isn't a big picture sort of thing.  It's more like pieces that when assembled constitute the whole.

Another way of looking at it is like a painting.  It really isn't the final product as much as each individual brush stroke.  Hopefully when you step back and look at it, you see a masterpiece.

But life can't be looked at as a whole.  It's the parts.  It isn't the broad strokes.  It's a collection of small moments.

When we're in it, when we are living this life, we even have trouble looking at the big picture.  Try as we might.  We can't see how the little things add up to the whole.

We can't see how the little decisions lead us to bigger conclusions.  We can't see how important those little things are at the time they're going on.

Like the time when your teenaged daughter opened up about the meaning of life while you sat at the foot of her bed.

Any time a grandchild walked in and screamed your name. 

When you all got stuck in a downpour and were soaked to the bone and yet finally saw the humor in it and everybody got the giggles. 

A shared sunrise, where no one says a thing but each knows what the other is thinking.

A much needed hug for a broken heart.

So you take a hundred vacations and the one everybody remembers is the one where it seems everything went wrong.  But then, why do you remember that one?

A buddy and I drove to and from Colorado on a bike trip a couple of years ago.  You know what I remember about the trip out?  The obscene burrito that my buddy ate at a truck stop somewhere in New Mexico.  It was awful.   He loved it.

And the trip back?  I remember driving in the middle of the night and we're in the middle-of-nowhere Oklahoma and find a Motel 4 (that's no typo) for a few hours sleep.  You got a bed (small), a towel, and a bar of soap at Motel 4.

So looking back at 2015, what comes to my mind?  

Times with grandchildren.  Mostly time in the pool.  The Christmas Train last weekend.  Ice skating on Market Square.  Movie night.

I remember meeting a guy on a distant beach that I will probably end up doing business with.  Our initial encounter was sitting under a cabana, looking out at the ocean.  Our next encounter was in his conference room in Nashville.

I remember lots of laughing in the football coaches office at MHS.  And walking out with the team through the stands on Friday night.  Good times in the training room with the student trainers.  And Josh and Drake.  They always seemed to be in there.

Maybe there were some hiccups along the way but in the big picture, 2015 was a great year.  But good riddance 2015.  Hello 2016!

Winning Doesn't Make You a Winner (Losing doesn't make you a loser)

The Carolina Panthers are 13-0 and Cam Newton is winning hearts all across the country.

The Alcoa Tornadoes won another state championship in impressive fashion, holding the previously potent CPA to -1 yards of offense in the second half and to .7 yards per carry for the game. 

The Maryville Red Rebels came up just one game short of a perfect season, picking a bad night to have a bad night.

Same thing for the Greenback Cherokees who overcame a lot of things (coaching change, playing against private schools with lots more resources) to make it to the championship game.

Heritage's football team, under Coach Tim Hammontree, was much more competitive than in recent years.  They competed with each and every opponent, going toe-to-toe with pretty much everyone on their schedule.

William Blount came to play every night. 

All this leads up to my oft-repeated mantra that sports are life lessons.  The scoreboard doesn't tell the whole story.

I'm going to quote my friend and MHS football coach David Ellis here a bit but first, let me give you just a little background.

Every year, Coach Ellis puts an offensive line on the field that is a cohesive unit.  Fundamentally sound, his squad gets the job done.  Each and every year. 

This year that unit featured a 5'7" 190 pound right tackle (Josh Wall) and a 5'9" 175 pound center (brother Jacob Wall) alongside gargantuan guards Lakin McCall and Wes Ferguson and long and tall left tackle Harper Rose.

Not exactly your prototypical offensive line but maybe typical of MHS and Coach Ellis.  Maybe more of the type that it doesn't matter about the size of the dog in the fight as much as the fight in the dog.

Now back to that winning and losing thing.  Quoting Coach Ellis:  "Losing on the scoreboard doesn't mean you're a loser just like winning on the scoreboard doesn't make you a winner."

David Ellis is more concerned with building good young men than he is in building outstanding football players.  He wants to build good fathers, husbands, sons.

He defines football success as

1.  How good a teammate you are

2.  How good a practice player you are

3.  How coachable you are

Isn't that what makes good fathers, husbands, and sons?  If your team is your spouse or your family, isn't it important to be a good team member?  Shouldn't you do your best every day?  Doesn't it seem a good idea to listen to those that have your best interest at heart?

Coach Ellis is a pretty special guy.  He's the kind of guy that you want your son to play for (mine did).  

Nicknames

Sports are filled with great nicknames.

Air Jordan.  Magic Johnson.  The Mailman (Karl Malone).  Wilt "The Stilt" Chamberlain.  Pistol Pete Maravich. 

The Say Hey Kid (Willy Mays).  Frank Thomas is "The Big Hurt."  Shoeless Joe Jackson.  Charlie Hustle (Pete Rose).  Dizzy Dean. 

The Assassin (which wouldn't be tolerated today).  William "The Refrigerator" Perry.  Deion "Prime Time" Sanders.  Our own Reggie White who was The Minister of Defense.  "The Bus," Jerome Bettis.

When I was growing up, lots of people had nicknames.  I never really did.  Oh, a couple of guys switched the first letters in my name and came up with Bloe Jack.  I didn't like it much.  I think it was Lackie Jefler that did that.  Or maybe Wordo Gatson.

Thank goodness it didn't stick.

There seems to have always been Bubba's.  At least in this part of the country.

We don't seem to have nicknames so much any more. I can't think of many at all. 

I guess there's my biking buddy Emil who we sometimes call "The Cuban Flash" but he's not Cuban (he grew up in Puerto Rico then Miami) yet he is certainly fast on a bicycle.

My son has a nephew called Trey (he's the third to carry his name) and his own son is the second but "Deuce" doesn't seem to have stayed with him.  We are more likely to call him "Buddy" than anything else.

It seems to sort of stopped with my generation.  A lot of the people I knew growing up had nicknames.

Snake Watson.  His brother Baldy Watson who, I don't believe, is bald yet.

Jam-Up White who was legendary in baseball (which makes his nickname have some reason I think). Inky Swiney.  Red Greenway (who may have been red at some time in his life but was bald for all of mine).  Greasy Grimes, who I don't remember as being either greasy or grimy.

There was Little Bill Miller and Big Bill Miller, neither of which was big at all.

Some whose last name escapes me.  Like Frog, the janitor at the high school.  And Hambone.  There were a couple of Bulldogs.  And at least one Bones. 

I knew a Jughead.  We had a Maybelline whose name wasn't that at all.  I think it was because she wore too much makeup.

So I'm gonna suggest some new nicknames.

How about "Ice Man" for Jalen Myers  He certainly plays like it.

And "Streak" for Kelby Brock.  That's about all you see of him.

T.D. Blackmon doesn't need a nickname.  He's got one built in already.

Maybe we can start a trend here!