Developing Mental Toughness

 

I got stopped at a soccer match recently by a regular reader, who commented on my recent column on Johannus Monday and asking how, as a parent, she might teach mental toughness.

Wow! I guess I didn’t go there. I pointed out that it was an essential ingredient to athletic success but I didn’t really put wheels on the concept. 

My elevator speech at that time was that as parents, we can help our children gain mental toughness by supporting them, encouraging them, and giving them opportunities. I also said that I planned to give it some thought and to expect to see more in this space the next week.

Well, here it is. First, what is mental toughness? For athletes, it’s the ability to move on after a failure. It’s self-confidence, even (maybe especially) when challenged. It’s fighting through when you’re not at your best.  It’s making a mistake but not letting that impact the next play, the next shot.

That’s what I was talking about when I was talking about working with our kickers. You miss one, you forget about it. You move on.

You’ve got to have self-confidence. I’ve used the phrase “quiet arrogance” in the past. I think most great athletes have that. I don’t think any of us really care for over-the-top arrogance. But we have to have confidence in ourselves, otherwise that last mistake impacts the next opportunity.

I can remember watching my daughter play volleyball back a few years ago. I could always tell during warmups if she was ready to play. She had this sort of “swagger” that I could see a mile away. It meant that she was ready.

It didn’t involve words and she certainly didn’t do anything to disrespect her opponents, but at that point she knew what she was capable of doing and ready to go do it.

OK, so how do you get that? How do you develop mental toughness?

First, you practice. And then you practice more. You practice to the point that you know what you’re capable of doing. You shoot a thousand free throws. You hit a ton of ground strokes. You spend your spare time at the driving range.

You become so good at a skill that you can always count on it during crunch time. You want to be the one to take the last shot because you’ve done it a million times.

You challenge yourself. You play better opponents. You step out of your comfort zone. You put yourself in situations where you are truly challenged. You challenge yourself with difficult and uncomfortable situations.

You never, ever make excuses. You don’t complain about the officials. You don’t whine that the sun was in your eyes. You own your mistakes and forgive the mistakes of others.

You build your support system. You find people that tell you what you’re doing wrong but who also believe in you. My tennis grandson and I meet after every match and first chat about all the good things that he’s done. Then, I will ask him what he did wrong. He knows. And then we talk about how to fix that.

I’m reminded about the 7 “C’s” of mental toughness: Competitiveness, courage, confidence, control, composure, consistency, and commitment.

You stay positive, never letting mistakes impact your game. You stay motivated and committed. And you never, ever give up.

 

Take 'em to the museum!

 

You would think that by now I would have heard it all. After all, I’m old as dirt and have been around since helmets without facemasks. But I haven’t.  Heard it all, that is.

Just this week, the parent of a 10 year old told me about the coach (the sport and the genders will remain unnamed, to protect the innocent) that promised that if their child played for them and dedicated themselves to only that sport, that a college scholarship was guaranteed.

Wait a minute! Really? This coach actually said that? This parent wasn’t bragging or even asking for advice on that situation. They just wanted to know what they could do to prevent injuries over the next several years, until, I guess, that scholarship paper was signed.

My initial reaction was “you’re kidding” which quickly became “wait, what?” Am I hearing this correctly? Are you really serious?

In defense of this parent, I’m convinced they only wanted what was best for their child. I believe that was why they brought it up. At least, I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt.

My first answer is to get your kid a library card. There are about 1000 academic scholarships for every 1 athletic scholarship.  Your chances of securing a college scholarship are incredibly higher on the academic side than on the athletic side.

My next message, shouted loudly, is don’t let your kid specialize in one sport. Play everything. You’ve heard me on that one before, but let me quote a professional that is probably the world’s premier sports orthopedist.

Dr. Jim Andrews has said in many forums “specialization…means not only an increase in risk factors for traumatic injuries, but a sky-high increase in overuse injuries.”

Dr. Andrews literally invented the procedure most often used these days to repair a torn ACL, but as he approached his retirement from surgery (recently celebrated), he moved his focus to the challenges of youth sports, and particularly the dangers of playing only one sport. 

I can’t say it better than Dr. Andrews, so I’ll quote him here verbatim: “The culture of youth sports pretty much dominates parents’ thinking and coaches’ thinking. And it’s hard to crack into that culture to kind of get them to understand that sometimes, they’re doing more harm than good with the pressure they put on these young kids to specialize and play year-round and play two leagues at the same time.”

Keep in mind, this is the doctor for the superstars. Tiger Woods. Michael Jordan. He saved Drew Brees’ career. Yet his focus late in his career turned to the youngest athletes.

What is his general advice?  Let your child play multiple sports to physically develop properly. He points to a recent Super Bowl game where a survey revealed that 90% of the football players on the field played more than one sport in high school.

“All these kids need to be an athlete first,” Andrews has been quoted as saying. “But the coaches and the systems are telling the parents as you probably know that if your kid doesn’t sign up to play youth baseball year-round, they can’t play with the elite league.”

So my advice is let your kid grow up well rounded. Take them to the lake to ski. Climb mountains. Swim, paddle, and definitely play all the sports they have time for. And never forget that you are better off buying books and visiting museums than you are playing travel ball.

Mental Toughness

 

I recently interviewed UT tennis player Johannus Monday for a podcast that I do. Often called “Joe” by friends and fans, Johannus is tall, powerful lefty whose game is spectacular to watch. I became acquainted with him primarily through my tennis-playing grandson. 

A three-time All-American, he is currently #7 in the country in singles and #8 in doubles.  He played in Wimbledon last year in England, which is where he is from, an opportunity that he called “the best moment of my life.”

In my interview with him, I asked Johannus what it took to compete at the highest level. His answer surprised me.I expected it to be the classical mantra of hard work, persistence, dedication, attention to details. Nope. That wasn’t what he shared at all.

He said that at the top of the game, everyone has the skills. Everyone has the ground strokes. Everyone can serve and volley.  Everyone understands the basics of the game.

Everybody is fit and works hard in the weight room. They all spend hours and hours on the court practicing. What he said was that what separates good from great is the mental aspect. Being mentally strong is the difference.

He recalls that when he arrived at UT, he was sent to a sports psychologist to work on mental training. He recalls being placed in an ice tub and going through mental exercises to control his body’s response to the cold.

We sometimes call it “mental toughness.” It’s a complicated beast that requires a level of mental discipline that eludes a lot of athletes.

I’ve seen the down side of this happen too many times. A play goes awry or someone misses a shot they should have met. Or strikes out. Some players will allow that to blow their mind and they simply don’t recover.

Mental toughness means you move on, not letting the last play affect the next one.  Having self-confidence helps. Mental self-manipulation helps.

When I was still on the MHS football sidelines, I spent a lot of time with our kickers. I was sort of their unofficial “coach,” although I did very little coaching with them.

I was responsible for their conditioning and making sure that they knew the practice schedule. Oh, I might remind them to keep their head down or to visualize a successful kick, but that was about it. I spent a lot of time with the kickers, so I always got to know them quite well.

Then, during a game, it was part of my job to keep their head in the game.  Most of that was just to tell them “the last one doesn’t count—the next one does,” if they ever missed a kick. Understanding their headspace from all the practice time we spent together helped.

Your last mistake doesn’t matter. It’s what you do next. That seems a good lesson for life as well. We all make mistakes.

But knowing that’s what you need to do and doing it can be two very different things. You have to figure out your own psyche to know how to do that successfully.  A simple “get over it” doesn’t work.

I’ve heard many coaches tell their team to expect some adversity during the course of the game. A fumble. A turnover. A call you might disagree with. Your ability to put that behind you and move on is the key to athletic success when they’re keeping score.

Self-analysis helps but sometimes you need someone that you know and trust to tell you that it’s OK to move on. That it’s what you do next that really counts.

Sportsmanship: Is it lost?

 

Sportsmanship. What is it? Better yet, what isn’t it?

I can remember being appalled at a crowd that cheered when a player for the other team went down with an injury.  That isn’t sportsmanship.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a coach refuse to shake hands with the opposing coach after a game. That isn’t sportsmanship.

Taunting. Trash Talk. Threatening gestures. All too common but definitely not sportsmanship.

I can remember one team that I worked with. It was the Tennessee All Star football team that would annually play a similar team from Kentucky at the end of the school year. That game was played for years and I served as the Athletic Trainer for the Tennessee team.

This particular team started their taunting during warmups and never let up. We got our butts beat. I don’t think I have ever enjoyed being on the losing side of a game, but for that game, a loss seemed proper justice.

I’m not a big Penn State fan but their return to nameless jerseys is something I do like. There is too much “look at me” in sports today. Things done just to call attention to yourself.

It must take some football players a long time to get dressed, with wrist bands, biceps bands, pants that are more like shorts, with tape on everything. Taped wrists. Taped fingers. Taped shoes.

Oh. My. Goodness. Tape on shoes. It’s commonly known as “spatting” and is about the worse idea anybody ever had. Yes, I know that a lot of pros and college players tape their shoes. That doesn’t make it a good idea.

First off, it does nothing. It doesn’t support the ankle. It doesn’t keep the shoe on the foot. And research tells us that tape on anything stretches out in about 30 minutes. It’s the “feel” of the tape that makes you think it is doing something.

Secondly, if there is ever a serious injury to the ankle, that tape is miserable to get off. Just imagine peeling it off layer at a time. Or we just cut everything off, shoe and all. It’s hard on the athlete and the athletic trainer.

Back to the sportsmanship thing. I never liked cheering for a mistake. Somebody misses a free throw and fans from the opposing team cheers—to me, that’s not sportsmanship.  I believe in cheering a great play, whether it is on my team or yours. Obviously, I’m not a fan of booing at any point.

Even a sedate sport like tennis has gotten rather raucous.  I hadn’t seen college tennis since I was an undergrad but have more recently been following UT’s tennis team. To say I was surprised at the energy and volume is an understatement.

Maybe it’s not taunting but it sure is close. High school tennis is more like what I remember. My tennis-playing grandson will always acknowledge a great shot by his opponent.  A quick clap using the racquet is the usual response.

I like that. I like it when a football player knocks another one down and then offers a hand up. I did that, back in my day, although I do realize that was eons ago. I guess it was a silent form of taunting but it still seemed like the right thing to do. And then go knock them down again.

Every year, the Blount County Officials Association gives out a Sportsmanship Award to a high school and middle school football team. I thought that they had stopped doing that, since I hadn’t heard much about it. I would really like it if the status of that award was elevated to lofty levels and become something that teams aspired to.

 

 

The Road Less Traveled

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

 

That line, the most famous by poet Robert Frost, came up in a conversation recently. It was actually the tail end of a discussion about what it takes to excel in athletics.

 

You might remember a couple of weeks ago when I wrote about some of the greatest athletes ever from around here. I heard from a lot of folks about that one. No one disagreed with my selections, but a lot more were suggested.

 

I don’t disagree with any of those. The Blount County Sports Hall of Fame is filled with stellar athletes.  I’ve been told that Smoky Webb (Coach Webb) could have been a professional at most anything, if he had good knees. The greatest shooter in my tenure here (47 years now) was left off. That would be Lee Humphrey. Actually, it has been said that his dad Tony was that good, if he only had good knees.

 

I missed on several good golfers. Amy Delashmit Neubauer was the greatest rower ever produced around these parts. I’ve missed a bunch, I’m sure.  So, at the risk of cutting anybody off short, let me just end it there.

 

My point was more about what it takes to get there. That sometimes talent isn’t enough. And that yes, some people are just gifted, genetically predisposed I guess.

 

I can remember working with one of my nephews when he was in high school. He would come over to my gym and I would set him up with a workout. What I found with him was that I was asking him to do all of the things that he didn’t like to do.

 

Like most teenage boys who strive to be athletes, he lifted weights. And like most of those, he loved doing curls and bench press. But as a two sport athlete, he needed much more than that.

 

As a defensive lineman, he needed that upper body strength, but his core was more important. The bench press was OK but power cleans were better.  He loved an overhead press to develop his Triceps, but strong legs would serve him better.

 

A post player on his high school basketball team, his job was more about rebounds and defense. He had to have strong hips and legs. Heavy weights might help but activities that promote explosive power are better. Squats are good—plyometrics are better. For him.

 

He and I had the discussion about strengths versus weaknesses. He wanted to build on his strengths. I wanted him to focus on his weaknesses. The bottom line is that both of us were right.  You do both.

 

Back to the original premise. What does it take to excel? The thing that I hear the most from athletes at all levels is persistence. It doesn’t matter how hard you work some of the time, do you work hard persistently? Are you persistent in your nutrition and your sleep habits?

 

I wrote more recently about what it takes to be an athlete at any age. All those folks mentioned were persistent. You just can’t take days off. And I guarantee that no athlete that excels takes days off on a regular basis.

 

They might take a break occasionally. We all need that sometimes. Your body might need to rest and recuperate. But if you look at their body of work, their big picture, you will see that they were persistent in their efforts.

 

You want to be great? You can’t be like everybody else. You’ve got to pay the price. You’ve got to put in the work. You can’t do what your buddies do. You separate yourself by taking a different path.

 

When traveling down the road in pursuit of excellence, you must take the road less traveled.

3 AM Friends

 

I saw an old friend recently. Lonnie Hawkins is one of the few people I graduated from high school with that I’ve stayed in touch with. I’ve been gone from our hometown for a long time. Lonnie and I played football together. We’ve been friends since the 7^th grade.

Prior to the 7^th grade, the schools in my hometown were segregated. The black kids in town had to travel to another town, some of them literally riding past schools in the town where we all lived.

That changed when we went into the 7^th grade and the schools were integrated. We had no idea about the politics with all that, we just knew that the kids that we played with got to go to the same school as us.

And we got to play on the same sports teams. We were happy and excited. Lonnie and I were in the same homeroom, became friends, and are close to this day. Seeing him again was truly joyous.

Do you have those kinds of friends? Those friends that time and distance might separate but when you get together the friendship is still strong? That’s sort of a hidden joy that you can allow yourself. And it’s a blessing when you see each other again.

I saw a bit on social media just this week. It talked about two kinds of friends. The 3 AM friends and the 6 PM friends.

The 6 PM friends were definitely your good friends, somebody you might call on if you needed something. Somebody that knows you, knows your faults, and likes you regardless of what is going on. Somebody that will answer the phone if you call at 6 PM and might drop what they’re doing to help you out.

If we’re lucky, we have several of those. I’ve heard that if you can count five good friends, that you’re fortunate. I can and I definitely feel lucky.

The 3 AM friends are a different matter. They’re the ones that will answer the phone even if it is 3 AM when they see your name. They’re the ones that figure that if you’re calling at that time that you really need something so they’ve already started getting dressed.

There’s a Ben Affleck movie where Ben’s character walks in the room and says “I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it, and we’re going to hurt somebody.” His friend doesn’t think twice and answers “whose car are we gonna take?”

I’m not advocating violence but that’s a 3 AM friend. Somebody that trusts you and doesn’t have to have a long explanation. I’ve got a couple of those in my life and they know who they are.

My friendship with Lonnie Hawkins started in a classroom, where we found that we had a lot in common. It was solidified on the football field, where we were teammates.

Teammates. There’s something about that term. Being teammates means that you have fought the same battles. It means that you have shed blood, sweat, and tears together, and drank out of the same cup.  Most of the friends from high school that I’ve stayed friends with were teammates. It’s a special bond.

Lonnie and I used to haul hay together too. We would sometimes see who could toss a hay bale the farthest or highest. We didn’t know it then, but we were training for the football field when we did that.

Sports generate a relationship like few others. It’s a brotherhood (or sisterhood) of people who might be completely different off the field, but on the field will fight for each other to the very end.

The life lesson there is not just about the value of friendship, but the lesson that when you’re part of a team, trust is integral part. Playing on a team builds that trust. Or it doesn’t and you fail. And there’s something especially cool about playing sports with your friends.

I’m not sure about calling at 3 AM but I feel certain that if I really needed Lonnie to do something for me, he would do it. And I would do it for him.

Athlete at any age

 

I have never had any qualms talking about the candles on my birthday cake. It looks like a bonfire. 70 is a bunch. It doesn’t bother me.

Some may argue, but I consider myself an athlete. You’ve heard probably too much about it. Bicycle. CrossFit. Yoga. I played basketball until I was 59. Going snow skiing tomorrow.

No one could argue that my buddy Ken Bell is an athlete. Just chase him down a hill on a mountain bike and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Years ago, I introduced him to rock climbing. He immediately climbed easily something I struggled to climb.

We did a tennis clinic one time. He and I started at the bottom end of the group. By the second day, he was on the first court. I stayed on the lower end. He has always been that kind of an athlete. And he still is that kind of athlete.

His kids are too. His oldest is a beast on a bicycle. His second was an All-American high jumper and can still jump out of the gym. His third was a late bloomer but is definitely athletic. His youngest could have done anything athletic he wanted to.

Retired pediatrician Dr. Charlie Raper is still running longer distances than you and I can imagine. It hasn’t been that long since he ran the Grand Canyon rim-to-rim.  He’s an athlete.

Bill Carl and Caroline Haynes will beat much younger people at tennis on any given day. They’re definitely athletes.

I’ve talked about pickleball a time or two. I’m not really interested in playing but I do know that a lot of people are playing that have never played anything. That’s a good thing.

Anything that gets people out and active is a good thing. And I can tell you that there are a lot of people on those pickleball courts. I will show up at John Sevier with my grandson to play tennis and we might be the only people on the tennis courts but there will be a line of people waiting to play pickleball.

It seems to be a game that just about anybody can play and enjoy.  And that’s a big part of it—if you enjoy something, you’re more likely to stick with it.

So, here’s the (loaded) question: If you’re not on a team or competing, are you an athlete? Of course you are. Athletes come in all shapes, sizes, and ages.

If you’re moving your body in a skilled fashion, I would consider you an athlete. Dr. Jim Gillespie, local senior golfer extraordinaire?  Of course, he’s an athlete. He might not run a mile, but he can hit a golf ball that will fly far enough that you think they’re going to sell inflight movies.

Emil Herran, who will ride a bicycle more miles in a year than most people will ride in their lifetime?  Sure, he’s an athlete.  You don’t have to break records or win championships to be an athlete.

What does that mean in the long run? I think it means a longer, healthier life. It means that you can do ordinary things like climb stairs and get up and down from the couch easily for a whole lot longer.

Sir Isaac Newton’s first law of physics says that “a body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by an external force.” I believe more and more each day that is true for all of us as well.

So, fight through the tough days. Get up. Get out. Move. You don’t have to join a gym or run a marathon.