Young Joe: So, what have
you learned in 59 years?
Old Joe: Are you
kidding me? Do you really think I want
to share all that with you? It would
only get you in trouble.
Young Joe: But what
about women? I really can't quite figure
them out. The ones that I like, don't
really like me and the ones that I don't really like that much, they seem like
they are all in love with me.
Old Joe: Men of my
generation are always saying "if I only knew then what I know now," but
I'm not so sure about that. As you and I
both know, I really struggled with all things female but I think you're supposed
to. It's how you learn. What I do know now is that you've got to
respect them, treat them right, and make them laugh, and then they'll all fall
in love with you. Or I think they
would.
Young Joe: Yeah, but
through all that didn't you end up with the "right" one? I mean, haven't you guys been married like
forever?
Old Joe: Yes I did
and yes we have . I guess it just goes
to show you that even a blind hog finds an acorn every once in a while.
Young Joe: What the
heck does that mean?
Old Joe: I guess
you'll just have to figure that one out on your own.
Young Joe: OK, can we move on to the other most important
thing in life? I play football and I
really want to get good. Any tips?
Old Joe: Oh
yeah. Hard work. Run. Lift
weights. Eat right. Do what your coaches tell you to do. The same formula that has always worked.
Young Joe: But I work
hard. I bag groceries at the White
Store and haul hay just about every day in the summer and we just got that new
Universal Gym at school and I get on it every once in a while. And boy if Coach Ratledge says jump, I say
how high on the way up.
Old Joe: You have no
idea. It's about being dedicated to
getting stronger and bigger. You've got to hit the weight room all year
round. Like momma always tells you, eat your
vegetables. Fried frog legs that you
and Arthur Bright just caught won't do you much good. And stay away from the bench press. It seems like all you do. It won't really help you much.
Young Joe: Anything
else? I really want to be a football
star.
Old Joe: Quit
worrying about being a star. Just be
the best you can be (later, that will be a slogan for the U.S. Army but right
now, you don't really want to know about the Army what with Vietnam and all)
and believe in yourself. Oh, and play
everything. With you, it was all
football, football, football. Your tennis helps but you should have played
basketball and stayed out for the track team.
You need to be more well rounded as an athlete.
Young Joe: But there
aren't many opportunities. You know that
there's not a public tennis court in town. No Little League, only Pinky Russell
throwing curve balls at my head down at the ballpark. No basketball for kids. There's not even a swimming pool.
Old Joe: Can't help
you much there, bud. Find a hoop. Swim in the river. And quit being afraid of getting outside your comfort zone.
Young Joe: Any
regrets about your football days?
Old Joe: Only
one. That I took the dive man (Troy
Bowman) instead of the pitch man (Steve Mynatt) in the 1970 football game
against Maryville. Mynatt scored on the
play and they beat us 28-35 then went on to win the state championship. Stop Mynatt and we would have won State.
Young Joe: Yeah but
doesn't that mean that Bowman would have scored the winning touchdown?
Old Joe: Shut up,
kid.
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