Carry Your Own Bag

 

Remember in school when you had to write an essay on Pet Peeves?  Maybe you didn’t have to write that one. I did. I have no idea what I wrote about.

Given the era, it was probably something idealistic about saving the world or lasting peace. Or barking dogs. Who knows. It was a long time ago.

If I was to write that column today, it would probably be about helicopter parents. I definitely see my share of those.  You know that creature.  Hovers over their child. Won’t let them speak.

I see it all the time.  The parent strides boldly into the clinic with their child 10-15 feet behind, head down, maybe looking at their phone. The parent does the talking. The parent fills out the forms.

Keep in mind, that a lot of the work that I do is with teenagers. It’s been that way for a long time. I believe it’s what keeps me young (but it may be more  about giving variety to my music choices).

Here’s what I see—parents that want to do everything for their child. And it doesn’t matter how old they are, from 6-16. And, tragically, older.

I get that parents don’t want their children to be hurt. I get that parents want their children to do more, have more, be more.  Boomers benefited from that.

Parents of Boomers went through a World War, maybe even the Great Depression (my parents did). They experienced the Korean “Conflict” then the Cold War. They saw (and some experienced) poverty and racism and the War in Vietnam.

Those parents defined wanting more for their kids than they had. My Dad quit school in the 6^th grade to go to work in a factory to support his family.  My college degree meant more to him than anything in the world.

So, I do get it. But what I’m seeing today is parents that won’t let their children develop life skills.

Let me tell you what a good parent does. The good parent lets their child speak. They don’t talk over them.  They let them answer questions. They let their child fill out the forms, instead of doing it for them.

The good parent doesn’t make excuse for a bad performance. They don’t allow their child to blame somebody else. “The referees were against you.” I hear that all the time.

“The Coach is an idiot.”  I hear that one too much too. Coaches make mistakes. They’re human, after all. But with very few exceptions, in my 47+ years of working with athletes, the coaches I’ve known wanted what was best for the team and for the players.

The good parent doesn’t try and coach their kid on the ride home from a game or event.  Just the opposite. They talk about their day and what makes their child happy.

The good parent lets their child carry their own bag.