It's OK to ask for help

 

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to ask for? It’s not food nor favors nor a date with someone that you’ve been wanting to ask out.

It’s help.  Most of us find it nearly impossible to ask for help.  It starts early. One of my grandchildren was known for saying “I want to do it mySELF!” 

It’s hard to admit that we can’t do something. Anything. We want to be self-sufficient.

But sometimes burdens can be too great.  Sometimes the task is too large. Sometimes it’s just all too much.  That’s when you need to ask for help.

It could be something simple.  Sometimes, we just need to share our burdens with someone else. Yet, we’re reluctant to do so. Sometimes we need assurances that we’re on the right track. Sometimes we just need validation.

We think asking for help might be a sign of weakness, and no one wants to be seen as weak.  We think it might be seen as a sign that we can’t take care of ourselves and everyone wants to think they can take care of themselves. 

We don’t want to be seen as vulnerable. We might think that showing vulnerability is an opening for someone to take advantage of us. Sometimes we see asking for help as losing control of our own lives.

Sometimes it’s because we have an image of ourselves, or an image that we want others to see, and we don’t want to change that.

A lot of times we simply don’t want to burden others with our problems.

Often, we fear rejection. What if they don’t want to help? What if they think it’s because I’m being lazy?

We don’t exist in a vacuum.  We can’t survive alone. We are engineered to have relationships and communities. If you go back far enough, it was once necessary for survival.

Allowing someone in, asking them for help, may help the helper.   Connecting with others, asking for help, helps to grow a sense of trust. And believe me, you will find out who your true friends are.

We can’t do everything. Some of us think we can. “I can take care of myself!” But really, we can’t.  Oh, some of us are capable of carrying far more burdens than others. The reality is, though, that everyone has a maximum capacity—everyone has a point where they just can’t handle one more thing.

If we get in the habit of asking for help just before we get to that point, our emotional health, our physical health, the health of our relationships, will all work better.

Think of it like this. You’re lifting a heavy load. It’s more than you can lift. But getting someone to help you means you can lift it. Maybe it’s still not easy—it still requires some effort—but you can do it. With help.

If you need help, ask for it. If your burdens just seem too much to carry, ask for help. Give someone the privilege of helping you.