Anniversary Advice

I haven't talked about it here yet but my wife and I recently celebrated 40 years of marriage.  That was one reason for our trip out west that included Glacier, Yellowstone, and the Grand Tetons.

Forty years.  It hardly seems possible.  We were just kids back then.  And it hardly seems like I should be 40 years old, much having been married to the same person for 40 years. 

All this came up in a conversation about football coaches' wives last week.  A common refrain is that "I'll see you when the season is over."  Around here, that could be December.

Being the spouse of a coach is a tough, thankless job.  A good coach devotes a huge amount of time to their team and has so much focus that they often overlook a lot of other things (like responsibilities at home and family and birthdays and appointments...you get the picture).

But back to that in a minute.

On our way back from that anniversary trip out west, we stopped in a shop in the Atlanta airport during a layover.  The chatty clerk asked us where we had been and then asked us what the purpose of our trip was.

When we told her why we were traveling she asked eagerly what the secret was to staying married for that long.

My wife and I hesitated for only a moment.  The wife went first. 

"Commitment. When we said 'till death do us part,' we meant it."  When the preacher said in good times and bad (sort of), he meant it. 

Before he got married, I told Jeff Fuchs, Pastor at Blount Community Church, it's never 50/50.  I'm pretty sure he remembers that conversation.  And it's not.  You may think it is 90/10 with you on the short side all the time.  It really isn't.

But you want to know what the score really is?  It's if you really, really are committed to that relationship and nurturing it and sustaining it.

What did I say?  "Tolerance."  And I was quick to point out that it was tolerance on the part of my wife. 

We got married while I was still in school.  That was a trial and a tribulation all to itself.  That it was in downtown Memphis made it that much harder.

Then you throw in jobs and kids and starting a practice and all that and...well...I'm not the easiest person to get along with.  My wife took a back seat for a long time to all that. 

I do a lot of things, wear a lot of hats.  I'm gone a lot.  And now that it's football season, I'm gone pretty much all the time.

Yeah...tolerance.  She tolerates my quirks.  She tolerates my obsession with staying fit and healthy.  And she tolerates football season.  Has done so now for 35 football seasons.

So when you happen to find yourself in the presence of the spouse of the spouse of any coach, any sport, tell them thank you.

Thank you for allowing your spouse to be a positive influence on our young folks.  Thank you for giving up your spouse so they can help kids grow up better.  Thank you for your commitment to them.  And thank you for your tolerance

The Tenets of Boy Scout Law

I was walking in to a football game the other day.  On one side was a former football coach.  On the other was the mother of one of the players.  The coach told me "thanks for being here" while the  said Mom said "I always feel better that you're here."

Folks, when that stops being important to me, then I'm going home.  I want to be that person that you trust with the welfare of your children.  That trust is very important to me.

I want to be the person there when they get hurt.   Call it arrogant or whatever you want to but I do believe that I can handle any injury, any crisis.  I want to be trustworthy.

So I was contemplating that word, trustworthy (while riding my bike--this column was actually composed with me on the back of a bicycle) and it made me think back to the Boy Scout Law.

Yes, I was a Boy Scout.  An Eagle Scout actually.  Scouting helped form the person that I am today.

Trustworthy.  Loyal.  Helpful.  Friendly. Courteous. Kind.  Obedient. Cheerful. Thrifty.  Brave.  Clean.  Reverent.

You can read this column any way you want to.  But those words are important to me and many others.  You're in the sports pages so you can make a sports analogy for each of them.  Try it.  It works.

Or you can let them speak to you.  Even today, they speak to me.  I did not need any help remembering those 12 basic tenets of Scouting.

Trustworthy.  OK.  We've already been there.  Worthy of trust.  Says it all.

Loyal.  We are all better people and better citizens when we are part of something bigger than ourselves.  Loyalty to our team.  Loyalty to our family.  Loyalty to our employer.

Helpful.  Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is a gift that they have no idea where it came from.  Try it.  And promise to never ever tell them.

Friendly.  Another thing I aspire to is to enter a room and try and make friends of everyone in the room.   Can't always do that but I believe I really try hard to be able to say that I've never met a stranger.

Courteous.  My mom used to have a plaque in her kitchen that said "put sugar in what you say and salt in what you hear."  If you want to diffuse a tense situation, try being polite.  And respectful.

Kind.  I remember another cliché:  Kill 'em with kindness.  Don't forget the Golden Rule.

Obedient.  We all struggle with this one from time to time.  There's a time and place for everything (sorry...another cliché).

Cheerful.  Away from my work, I'm a big hugger.  I can be goofy.   On my bike, I wave at everyone.  My humor runs toward the self-deprecating kind.  I don't smile enough but I do try and have a positive outlook on everything.  Isn't that a better way to spend your day?

Thrifty.  Goodness, wouldn't the federal government benefit from following this one?

Brave.  This one takes many faces.  Brave in the face of adversity.  Brave in the face of disease.  Brave in the face of hardships.  Brave in the face of a worthy opponent.

Clean.  Respect yourself.  Take pride in yourself.

Reverent.  I told the story once before about how my Senior Superlative in high school was Most Dignified.  For most of my life, I wished it had been one of the cool Senior Superlatives like Most Athletic or Best Looking or even Funniest. 

I've grown to be proud of exhibiting dignity and reverence when they are called for. 

I carry these with me every day and have taken all to heart, but the greatest of these for me is probably Trustworthy.

Making Football Safer

If you read the Sports Section as faithfully as I do, you will have noticed a photograph in last Saturday's Daily Times from the football scrimmage between William Blount and Cleveland.

What you may remember is a William Blount player moving in for the tackle using perfect form with his head up.  And you will see the Cleveland player drop his head just at the moment of contact, colliding helmet to helmet with his head down and neck flexed.

Folks, that is the exact formula for catastrophic cervical injury.  The angle for the collision for the ball carrier is the perfect position for producing quadriplegia.

I don't want to disparage the young man or the game of football.  But dropping your head like this at the moment of contact is just simply dangerous.   And against the rules.

The helmet cannot be used as a weapon in the game of football.  That's the rule and violation will likely result in a penalty.  Most often, it's called against a defensive player.  This is clearly a case where the offensive player should be flagged. 

If you stop to think about it, many of the rules in football were created to prevent injuries.  Think about clipping.  And grabbing the facemask. 

Roughing the passer?  Obvious.  Just as the quarterback releases the ball, they are most vulnerable.  So rules were made to protect them.  Same with kickers.

Ricky Upton is an assistant football coach at Maryville High School and Player Safety Coach for the Heads Up Football program. 

Head Up Football is a program developed by USA Football to advance player safety in the game of football.  The Player Safety Coaches are responsible for ensuring their organizations' compliance with core Heads Up Football protocols including coaching certification and conducting safety clinics for coaches, parents, and players. 

I talked to Coach Upton about his work and shared this photograph with him.  "Coaches everywhere teach against this sort of thing.  But kids are kids and they see the big stars and the pro's do this sort of thing and the next thing you know, they're using their heads as a battering ram."

That's why it's important for everybody to buy into the things that make the game of football safer for everyone.  There's no doubt that we've got to make the game safer.  We've learned that concussions aren't something to be taken lightly. 

Don't get me wrong--football is still a great game.  It's the game I played.  It's the game my son played.  I love it dearly and believe that it helps young people to grow up to be good teammates in life (and a thousand other things).

But we've got to make it safer.  The future of the game depends on that.   We have to teach strategies and enforce rules that protect all athletes. 

So remember, Heads Up!ealth and safety protocols, including coaching certification and conducting safety clinics for coaches, parents and players

"Finding" Good Health

I had a rather strange question this week.  Well...sort of.  "How do you find good health."

Find?  I'm not sure what that means.  To me "find" means to discover.  Maybe it was something you were looking for.  Or maybe it was something that you simply came upon--that you weren't looking for in the first place.

But it got me to thinking and I believe I know what this person was really asking:  What is the path to good health? (And enlightenment and staying young yet living well--OK, I made all that up--I don't think that's what they were asking at all.)

So here are my 10 ingredients to finding good health.

1.  Eat well.  I don't mean eat in fancy restaurants every night.  But I do mean that you should know what you're putting in your body.  Lots of fruits and vegetables.  Know where your meat comes from.  And cut back on white sugar and white flour.  They are the devil's tools to bad health.  When you shop, everything should have a simple name. 

2.  Wear good shoes.  Again, I'm blaming the old devil for a lot of bad things but women's high heel shoes are certainly a product of the devil.  There is nothing about them that is healthy for your feet.  Maybe your job means that you can't wear running shoes to work every day but at least wear good shoes that support your arch whenever you can.  And flip-flops?  Save them for the beach.

3.  Exercise daily.  It doesn't have to be 50 miles on the bike or a 10 mile run but do something even if it is just walk around the block a couple of times.  Start slow and build up.  But do it every day.

4.  Sleep well.  This is probably the category I violate most egregiously.  There is overwhelming evidence that getting adequate sleep every night (8 hours or so for most people) is REALLY good for your health.

My problem is that my brain doesn't work that way.  I get up really early (obscenely early, really) because I can't wait to get the day started and well, I've got so much to do.  So we're going to have to leave this one as do as I say, not as I do.

5.  Smile...a lot.  Happy, laughing people live longer and healthier.  Studies have proven that.  And even if you don't believe all that, life is much more enjoyable if you smile.

6.  Enter freely into relationships.  There is no doubt that there is a direct correlation between healthy relationships and good health.  It just makes sense.

7.  Make sure that your primary care physician knows you by your first name.  And that you visit him or her every year for a physical.  And then do what they say.  If you can't follow their advice, then maybe you have the wrong PCP.  You've got to find someone you trust.

8.  Nip it in the bud.  Health problems that arise are always (always) more easily treated the earlier they are diagnosed.  So get that colonoscopy, do that breast exam, take your medicine.  If you are having health issues that seem confusing, seek help until you get answers.

9.  Do what you love.  Every day.  Don't love your job?  What would you rather be doing?  Are there really barriers keeping you in a dead end job that you dread going to?  I realize that there are circumstances that make this difficult but keep trying!

10.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  OK...it's all small stuff (surely you saw that one coming).

Be safe.  Be happy.  Be healthy.

Oh...and don't smoke (but that's one is pretty much a given anyway.  Nobody believes it could be anything but bad for you.)